Going Into My Cave

Going Into My Hole

There are times in my life when I just go into my cave. These times I feel that I just have to take a break from life for a while. The road is becoming too heavy and I have pretty well broken down. I have gone through many stages like this in my life. The funny thing is that I've actually learned to enjoy my time in the cave. So much sometimes, that I really don't want to come out of my cave. I rather enjoy it in there It is peaceful and calm and I feel safe. The problem with this is that I cut myself off from the whole world. Going into your cave can be a very selfish activity.

This morning I was listening to a sermon on depression by TD Jakes. Depression is a medical condition that I have suffered with all of my life. I was very interested what to see what Bishop Jakes has to say about depression. Anyone who suffers from depression knows that one cannot simply snap out of it. Once the depression has a hold of you it is one hard thing to get out of. I believe that in your own strength it is nearly impossible. Something has to change either externally or internally in your life. I have found that I am not the one who can bring this change about. It is only God who can bring me out of it. During these times I don't stop believing in God but I stopped communicating with Him. I don't understand why He won't quickly break me out of my depression. One of the things I learned from listening to TD Jakes is that sometimes we simply need rest. We need a timeout before the next battle. This is why sports teams take a rest between periods or quarters. We need to regroup. We may need to reinvent ourselves. A time of change is coming. We don't know what this change will look like but we know that it is coming. We hope that it will be a positive change. This is where we need faith in God to look after our best interests.

I have often found that I fear coming out my cave. I am comfortable in my cave and rather like it in there. Basically, I am afraid of getting hurt and disappointed again. I do not like pain and I have experienced my fair share during the last 59 years. Yet still I hope for a better day. I look forward to a day where I look forward to the next day. I hope for the day that I will experience true joy not just tiny islands of pleasure here and there. I will continue to write on this topic in future blogs.