Criticism

Criticism

One of the hardest things in life for me is to have someone criticize me. The truth is I would rather someone punched me in the face than to criticize me. This is a defect of character that I've had to work on all of my life. It really bothers me that people can hurt me so much by what they say to me. I actually feel worse about my reaction to the criticism than to the criticism itself. I often wonder why it hurts me so much. Why does it often get such a reaction out of me? Am I that insecure? These are questions that I have often asked myself over the years.

The reason is not that I think I am perfect, far from it. I am only too cognizant of my defects of character. I guess I just don't like anyone else pointing them out to me. I know that I am not the only one. There are others that suffer the same condition, a very negative reaction to personal criticism. I think if I had one wish in the world it would be that from this day forward anyone could criticize me severely and it would not bother me a bit. I often tell myself that I really don't care what others think about me. While on an intellectual level this may be true it is certainly not true in the emotional realm. It's funny how there is such a disconnect between the intellect and the emotions. One's intellect can know all the right answers but their emotions will not accept them. This is always been a great frustration to me.

I have met a select few people in my life that know how to handle me. These gifted people know how to convey to be how much they love me and respect me. When I can receive this from them their criticism towards me is much easier to take. Unfortunately, I must learn to live with a whole world of people that are unable or unwilling to do this. Therefore, the ultimate responsibility still rests with me. Hopefully, one day I will teach my emotions to do what my intellect already knows.